8 Ineffective Coping Strategies That We Love to Pretend Are Working
Life is messy. And if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that when faced with stress, we all have our go-to coping strategies—whether we want to admit it or not. Some of them? Genius. Others? Bless our hearts, they only feel like they’re helping but actually keep us stuck. The kicker? Many of these once served a purpose, but as we grow, what worked before might not work now. If we’re not intentional, we’re just running on old muscle memory, reacting instead of responding.
So, let’s take a look at some of the most common ineffective coping strategies—those sneaky little habits we convince ourselves are "just how we are." Then, let’s do better.
1. Isolation: “I just need to be alone”
(…forever)
Look, I love a good solo moment. Sometimes, peace means wrapping yourself in a blanket like a human burrito and watching mindless TV. But when avoiding people becomes a lifestyle, that’s a red flag. We need human connection—even when it’s hard. Isolating yourself may feel safe, but all it does is let the stress marinate. If you catch yourself ghosting friends and dodging texts like a pro, it might be time to re-engage.
2. Relying on Others Too Much: “Fix it for me”
On the flip side, some of us avoid responsibility by handing it over to someone else. Whether it’s a friend, a partner, or a therapist (we see you), leaning too much on others to fix, solve, or reassure can keep you from developing your own coping muscles. Support is essential, but no one can carry your baggage for you. It’s called "personal growth" for a reason.
3. Jumping to Conclusions or Catastrophizing: “I sent a text, they haven’t replied, they must hate me”
Ah, the brain’s greatest party trick—turning a minor inconvenience into the end of the world. We’ve all done it: the late email reply must mean you’re getting fired. That weird look from a stranger clearly means they think you’re the worst human alive. If your thoughts are running wild, pause. Observe. Ask yourself, Is this fact or just a very dramatic story I’m telling myself? Nine times out of ten, it’s the latter.
4. Doomscrolling: “Maybe this next article will make me feel better”
Spoiler alert: It won’t.We act like scrolling through endless news updates, social media posts, and internet rabbit holes will somehow provide the answer to our stress. Instead, it just feeds anxiety, making everything feel even worse. If you find yourself 45 minutes deep in a Reddit thread about some obscure disaster, take a step back. Your brain needs a break, not more content.
5. Avoiding Problems: “If I ignore it, it’ll go away”
You’d think we’d have learned by now that avoiding problems only makes them grow teeth, but nope. Procrastination, denial, and pretending something isn’t an issue? Classic moves. The thing is, problems don’t dissolve—they multiply. Rip off the Band-Aid. Face the issue head-on. It might be uncomfortable, but trust me, future you will be grateful.
6. Impulse Spending: “Retail therapy never hurt anyone”
Until the credit card statement arrives.Buying something new gives us that quick dopamine hit, a little thrill that temporarily numbs stress. But the high fades, and if spending is a coping mechanism, it usually leads to more stress (hello, financial anxiety!). Before swiping, ask yourself: Do I actually need this, or am I just trying to feel something? If it’s the latter, maybe take a deep breath instead of pulling out the wallet.
7. Substance Use: “I just need to take the edge off”
We’ve all seen the “Mommy needs wine” culture and the “Just one drink to unwind” mentality. But when that one turns into a habit, it’s time to reassess. Numbing out the hard stuff doesn’t make it go away; it just puts it on pause. And when the pause button wears off? The stress is still there—only now, it’s got a hangover.
8. Excessive Worry: “If I think about this long enough, I’ll find the answer”
There’s a fine line between problem-solving and straight-up anxiety spiraling. Overthinking isn’t strategy—it’s exhaustion disguised as productivity. Worry doesn’t change the outcome; it just makes you suffer twice. When you catch yourself overanalyzing, redirect. Go for a walk, do something creative, or—brace yourself—just let it be.
So, What Now?
The goal here isn’t to beat ourselves up. We’re human. We cope the best way we know how—until we know better. So now that you know, be intentional. Pay attention to the habits you’ve been clinging to. Are they helping or just familiar?
Change is uncomfortable, but so is staying stuck. Show up. Be curious. And when in doubt, repeat after me:
"Bless our hearts, we only know what we know—until we know. Do better."
You've got this.
💬 Let’s Talk:
What’s one coping strategy you’ve outgrown (but used to swear by)? Drop it in the comments. 👇
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